Waiting Game

I continued to wait for my bottom end to heal. I went back to my doctor every 2 weeks and he would check it. It needed to be healed enough to endure a "pouch study". It's pretty much a colonoscopy but you're wide awake. It doesn't take long. What they do is stick a long tube with liquid in it and a camera attached up your butt and into the inner pouch that they made. They fill it up with the liquid to see if it leaks out of the pouch. If there are leaks, then you have to wait longer, meaning it's not healed yet. Fortunately, mine didn't have any leaks!!! But something else happened, the liquid came out my butt but my female end as well which was an odd sign. If my pouch didn't leak, I could set my date for TAKEDOWN. Just a fancy word for the reconnection of the stoma to my new pouch. Then I would no longer have the bag and that was very exciting. 

May 12th was my date for takedown. I was so anxious and just waiting for it to all be over. The day before my surgery, my surgeon called me and told me that my pouch looked good but I may have a possible fistula (when the liquid came out my female area). He said he wouldn't know for sure until he went in because it looked so small on the x-ray. My parents and I got to the hospital bright and early for my surgery. I was ready with all my butt creams and extra soft toilet paper. Anxiety took over of possibly waking up with the bag still on and the anxiety of being under anesthesia again and just the simple fact of starting the healing process all over again.

I was told the healing time would be less, approximately 2 weeks. I had taken off work for about 3 weeks just in case and had that all taken care of. Round 2 surgery and a few hours later I woke up. NO BAG!!! I remember being in a lot of pain in my butt. My pouch was working right away and I was pooping normally again. Lol. So that was good news. I got home and it went downhill from there. 

I can't describe the type of pain I was having once home from the hospital. It hurt so bad to take a normal bowel movement. It was sharp excruciating pain right around my butt hole. The skin around it was red and very irritated. I really can't describe the pain. I couldn't sit, stand, walk, poop, anything. Laying down on my side was about all and that hurt like hell too. I had no idea what was going on or why I was in so much pain. It wasn't making sense. On top of that, I had stool coming out of my female part, which was the fistula my surgeon had told me about. He said it was so small, he figured it would heal on its own. That was extremely painful to that area too. I wanted to shoot myself (not literally) but I was beside myself. 

I thought about going to the ER a few nights because the pain was so bad and my pain meds weren't working which was a surprise. So surgery was May 12th and I went and saw my doctor May 23rd for a check up. I told them how much pain I was in and I was practically in tears. My surgeon took one look at my bottom and told me I need to have surgery to put the bag back on asap. So I had surgery May 24th and had the bag put back on. I was crying while waiting because I was in so much pain and then pissed that I was in pain and pissed that I had to have the bag back on..ughhhhh. It sucked so bad.