Alright...Let's try this one more time. As soon as I woke up from surgery, I could already feel NO pain in my butt. It was amazing. I was pissed I had the bag but happy as a clam I didn't have that pain or any stool coming out either end. This time I was only in the hospital for a few days. Recovery process was still tough once I got home but didn't have to take my pain meds as often which was a blessing in itself.
I'm trying to remember when I went back to work...June 20th on a part time basis again. Body was still weak and still had my "hunchback"...fun fun. I was already used to the bag and had a routine of emptying it and changing it so it wasn't new to me. That was the only upside to this whole thing.
Fast forward a little bit, today is July 22 and I just worked my regular 8 hour shift today. I went back full time the second week in July..can't remember the exact date. It was hard again to go back full time and do all that running around but my job was understanding again and told me to go back slow and to let them know if I was having trouble and needed to stop and relax. I'm no longer taking any pain meds and have no pain at all. I take vitamins and Imodium to thicken the output in my bag so I don't have to empty as often. I'm also on anti-anxiety medication that helps me sleep like a log at night :) I wasn't sleeping at all in the hospital or when I got home.
Unfortunately, it's a little scary to be on them because when I ran out about a week ago and went "cold turkey", I felt more anxious than ever. I didn't sleep that night and had horrible nightmares. My doctor said it's not good to just stop anti-anxiety meds, you need to ween off of them. When you just stop taking them, it can have a worse affect on you than how you felt before. It did just that. I felt like I was in a whirlwind. I was so anxious and hyper-feeling. It was a bad feeling and immediately got a re-fill. Now I'm weening off of them and plan to see my physician to see what we can do to make sure I get sleep at night. I never take the pills during the day. I get anxious in the morning but not enough to take them. I'm usually fine at work and don't worry too much. I'm usually too busy to think about the bag or anything else anyway.
I've only had one bag leaking experience and that was a few days ago. In the summer the adhesive becomes very itchy and I remember scratching the crap out of it that night but I couldn't scratch where I wanted which was right underneath the wafer, the skin next to my stoma. I guess I scratched so hard that I popped the seal because I woke up at 5:30am with shit all over my bed and arm (sorry for the image)...It was disgusting. I shot up out of bed and grabbed a shirt to stop it from leaking everywhere. It was a mess, literally. Clean up wasn't bad though, just threw the clothing in the trash, changed my bag and showered and I was good to go. Not as traumatizing as I thought it would be. If it had happened in public or at someone's house, it would have been a different reaction of course. Now I'm extra careful with scratching and now I have anti-itch powder that should help.
I see a personal trainer who is helping me get my strength back. We've only been working on stretching because that's really all I can do and we have to start from the bottom up. I have really bad back and neck problems from being in odd surgery positions and laying down so much. I'm still pretty weak and get very tired easily so we're taking baby steps. My posture has been better, I don't hunch over as often. But standing up straight causes me a lot of back pain so that hunch always comes back. She's also trying to help me gain weight by suggesting high calorie foods. I've only gained 5lbs since I was hospitalized in February. I left the hospital at 95lbs and now I weight 100lbs..just hit the triple digits the other day, was pretty exciting. Only 25 more pounds to go!! (with a hint of sarcasm and a sigh...) It's a work in progress.
Emotionally, I have a hard time some days. I still cry here and there sometimes just for no reason. Was told my anti-anxiety medicine can mess with you that way as well. Great...I've been to a support group and will be going this coming Thursday for my second time. Hopefully, I'll get the support and insight I need. I made an appointment for my second pouch study to see if I still have the fistula..I'm praying it healed so I can get this bag removed but we'll see. I try not to think about it because it stresses me out...even though it's not the end of the world and plenty of people live with an ileostomy for the rest of their lives...but to be honest, I don't want to be one of those people. I hate it and feel restricted.
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